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Interests: My interests are infinite.
Expertise: Being outspoken. Having the ability to actually say, 'i know what/how you mean/feel'.
Occupation: Writer. Freelance bum. Bitchsl
Message: message me
|For the past few weeks now, my mother has been purchasing boxes and bins and shelves and closet organizers. We've been working on putting everything together these past few days: new book shelves in the hallway, packing up old books and storing them in the garage, putting new shelves and cupboards in my sibling's room and clear up floor space, putting a shelf in my closet for random knick knacks, aiming to soon conquer my mother's room as far as organization and space making goes.|
This doesn't feel right. After almost five years, we're now, of all times, beginning to organize and clear things up and store things we no longer need and never really needed in the first place. We're finally aiming to make 'room' and clean up. It's strange.
I feel like something's about to happen. And I've felt this way for months now but now, more than ever, it's starting to scare me.
For lack of a better word.
I wanted my closet doors today. I wanted them back on their tracks, back into business and I do not know why.
This is strange.
|I don't like Xanga. |
The 'fame' irritates me to no end.
Everyone is up in everyone else's business only to 'out' them for being too opinionated, crass, self-centered or judgmental.
It's like high school.
I'm already nauseous but this could make anyone sick.
1. Beer: Not my thing but if all I want is to be drunk, it'll do.
2. Food: We have a love/hate relationship.
3. Relationships: Waste of my time, for the most part.
4. Your CRUSH: I don't have one.
5. Power Rangers: Never liked them.
6. Life: Is a struggle. It's a battle, a war. Can't say I'll win, though.
7. The President: Best thing that's happened to this country.
8. Yummy: Soy lattes and white chocolate
9. Cars: I want a truck.
10. Movies: Pride and Prejudice
11. Halloween: I've been losing interest in what everyone else sees when they hear the word 'halloween'. I'm taking it more religiously now.
12. Sex: It causes problems. Like relationships.
13. Religion: Paganism
14. Hate: I hate a lot of things.
15. Fear: Rules me.
16. Marriage: is a joke. And is definitely not for me.
17. Blondes: Most of the blondes I've met are idiots. I'm sorry but the whole 'dumb blonde' thing totally makes sense. Not many people can be an exception.
18. Slippers: OCD
19. Shoes: flats. Wish I had some.
20. Asians: Interesting.
21. Pastime: Writing, reading, listening to music. I love listening to music.
22. One night stand: I know I could never deal with one of those. I feel too much.
23. My cell Phone: is a wonderful companion.
24. Smoke: Nicotine. Candles. Bonfires.
25. Fantasy: Perfection. Paradise.
26. College: Not right now, thank you.
27. High school life: Hell.
28. Pajamas: Whatever I'm wearing. I want to get into a routine where I change into actual pj's for sleeping and change into 'day clothes' after I wake up. But I don't know if I'll ever get into such a habit.
29. Stars: Scare me. I'm insignificant. There is so much more out there. I'm just a tiny, overlooked part of it all.
30. Center: Meditation.
31. Alcohol: drops my blood sugar. But feels deliciously care free and wild.
32. The word love: scares the frickin frack out of me. Most of the time, at least.
33. Friends: Everyone needs friends. But sometimes, it's hard to find those worth the status.
34. Money: I don't have any. I have five dollars. I am rich.
35. Heartache: Is something I'm entirely too familiar with.
36. Time: is limited. I keep letting it slip away, pass me by.
37. Divorce: is sad and broken and empty.
38. Dogs: Bronius, I love thee.
39. Undies: Are necessary. I don't do commando.
40. Parents: Are a roadblock, whether we want to admit it or not. They shelter us, keep us from actually letting loose. And while it may be a good thing, it does douse a few flames.
41. Babies: No. Not for me. Adorable though.
42. Ex: He's a piece of shit. I'm sorry but he is. His last relationship lasted half as long as ours did. Hmmm, wonder why? Fuckface.
43. Song: Anything from LIGHTS, at the moment.
44. Color: Anything. Except yellow and brown. I like olive green and gray. And black and neon turquoise.
45. Weddings: Yeah. I won't comment on that.
46. Pizza: I love pizza. If it's made the right way.
47. Hangout: I don't have one. My bedroom?
48. Rest: I love sleep. It helps with a lot of things. Especially being sick. I always make myself sleep a lot when I'm sick. It does help.
49. Goal: Happiness.
50. Inspiration: The vast amount of successful people in this world.
|I always want things I know I can never truly commit to. |
I'm actually terrified of commitment. I am. Once I get into another relationship, I'll have to tell them that while I want to be faithful and while I want there to be some actual time put into our relationship, it probably won't happen. I can't help it. I love a lot of people. Haha.
I'd also feel trapped.
I'm not a cheater. But I know I'll be hurting a lot of people because of all the ends I'll have to put to a relationship with someone.
I don't know why this is the case, to be honest. And even though I've only been with one person in real life, I know that I can't stick to just one person. My mind, sadly, wanders. And once that happens, I have to cut it off. I can't stick around forever wanting somebody else because that, in itself, to me, is cheating.
I've had a few online things going, two of them destroying me in the end. I just couldn't deal with shit online, ya know? I mean, what the fuck? You have to be with someone, in flesh and blood, to be able to pass any actual judgment and before you can say, yeah, I'd date you.
I know there are people who'll disagree but this is just how it is for me.
But then again, for those who don't agree, you're all idiots. Thanks. Because, S met some guy online and after about a week or so talking she announces her engagement to him.
Riiiiight. Nothing came of it, thankfully, but seriously? Engaged?? Online?! That doesn't really happen, does it?
I know that I'll try to commit to someone. The effort will be put into keeping things going but I will never be able to truly promise anything to anyone.
I feel that this somehow makes me a horrible person. Can't help it though.
I don't really see the point in this entry. I've just been thinking a lot tonight. Sometimes, random things trigger my memories and I'm left daydreaming about what could have/might have/should have been.
Time to go back to bed.